|
[25 Jan 2005|01:47am] |
[hung out with pauly shore. and he's awesome and so unimaginably cool and everything i expected.]
no woman no cry, right?
|
|
Comments: 9 sweet kisses - let's bone.
|
|
|
[25 Jan 2005|01:43am] |
I write as a bystander. As a lens by which to view my subjects I am trying to absorb their lives and translate as an unbiased patron. Some sort of robot or computer, seeing flashes of life in their eyes and putting it straight onto this white screen that will, as of tomorrow, be on real paper, not inside of a machine behind a soft screen that I can’t touch without bruising.
I cannot be un-biased for I write of love. Of relationships. I consciously take into account all the grey space that exists between the initial locking of eyes, and quite possibly death, though through glorification we see that love never ends at death, and is probably only heightened to some unimaginable you-must-experience-it sort of high.
My history of love and all that I have ever thought of love floods my head at a rate of speed I cannot comprehend. My mind is merely processing what my eyes hold on to, and by adding fantasy and experience, color, and body to my initial sight… I focus in on my subjects. Through a mirror or a window it’s unclear, but is irrelevant as of yet.
Two young, red-cheeked, sandy-haired people sit. They are affectionate and eager. Their eyes are open only to each other as they try to sink into each other’s souls before their feet have touched the ground. They dance around real subjects in fear of disagreeing. They mirror each other’s body language and smile with intention.
My scars ache as I watch their freedom. My anxieties scream. I want to warn her that there will be a time when she hurts in the most unimaginable way… a pain that he has caused… and that only his touch can soothe. A guilt so evil will soon tumble in her stomach, and all too quickly she won’t remember her life before him. Giving into this dependency, this addiction, we love, and never return to stability.
Subway doors open and close. I stand, stiff like a toy soldier, and march. A revolution began long before this beautiful boy and I will not soon surrender.
|
|
Comments: let's bone.
|
|
| how does this happen to someone so willing |
[07 Sep 2004|01:17am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
kings of convenience-brave new world |
] |
i lost 2 people tonight. one a friend, one something else entirely...something that can't be defined as anything... though he is never completely lost.
i have lost far too many people this year... and it's not due to any lack of communication nor lack of desire to maintain good friendships... i just don't know what's happened to my life.. what's happened to me.
i don't recognize myself... i don't know who my friends are, or why they stick around. on the other hand, i don't know why i've lost who i've lost. loyalty, honesty and morals have really become obvious in recent months. it makes it easier to see why you shouldn't want to know someone... but it doesn't make it easier to lose them.
my problems are not what they could be. someone in my life is in serious need of the kind of strength that i used to be able to lend.. but i'm fighting so seriously to keep myself here... i don't know what i have to do or stop doing...
i'm trying so hard to figure out what i need to cut out, what i need to embrace... and it's not as obvious as it used to be.
it's so unfair... why can one awful, evil being have so much power over someone so vulnerable?
when does this end... when do i get to walk lightly again? my breath is always cut short and i fear my dreams. i dread waking... wondering what my day will bring.
i keep waiting for something to give. a door to open and finally...clarity. peace.
i fake out everyone in my life, and most importantly i fake myself out.
after 45 minutes with my shrink, while walking to my car, i realize all the things i meant to say....
|
|
Comments: 1 sweet kiss - let's bone.
|
|
|
[05 Sep 2004|09:58pm] |
|
a list... for lack of creativity.
-boy is the nicest boy ever. he far exceeds expectation and any previous boys
-i have the most amazing friends in the world... keeping me breathing and inspired...
-i think love means not realizing when caring about whatever work must be done to keep life worth living
-school in exactly one week...
anxious and nervous for classes, but super psyched to get back to late night giggles and room decorating with my rad roomie.... !!!!!
-nothing beats family dinners
-maybe the beach with family beats family dinners.
my life's been hectic and crazy and has taken some unusual turns in recent days...
my thoughts are occupied not with myself, for the first time in a long time... it's reassuring.
-i didn't see a lot of people... fuck. now they're back at school, and i'm the biggest asshole ever.
-weird dreams are haunting me, but i feel better after telling those that care
-i keep telling myself that everything starts tomorrow. when will it start?
|
|
Comments: 3 sweet kisses - let's bone.
|
|
| the sweet sound of a text message arriving.... |
[20 Jul 2004|02:29am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 restless |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
my morning jacket |
] |
dear jesus children of america,
i must have met alladin... like a weird cannonball has come into my life, this weekend has been crazy. if someone keeps being so cool....keeps shinin on me... i’m going to have to break out with a squadlive when my tuesday night squad comes back around.
i’ll quit messin around with you but hey... what can ya do? i guess it was really only like a one in seven chance of something like this, right?
love.
moira
[dictionary dot com says:]
mes·mer·ize P Pronunciation Key (mzm-rz, ms-)
tr.v. mes·mer·ized, mes·mer·iz·ing, mes·mer·iz·es
1. To spellbind; enthrall: “He could mesmerize an audience by the sheer force of his presence” (Justin Kaplan).
2.To hypnotize.
iin·vi·ta·tion P Pronunciation Key (nv-tshn)
n.
1.The act of inviting.
2.A spoken or written request for someone's presence or participation.
3.An allurement, enticement, or attraction.
rock star
n : a famous singer of rock music
[ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<i’m>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] dear jesus children of america,
i must have met alladin... like a weird cannonball has come into my life, this weekend has been crazy. if someone keeps being so cool....keeps shinin on me... i’m going to have to break out with a squadlive when my tuesday night squad comes back around.
i’ll quit messin around with you but hey... what can ya do? i guess it was really only like a one in seven chance of something like this, right?
love.
moira
[dictionary dot com says:]
mes·mer·ize P Pronunciation Key (mzm-rz, ms-)
tr.v. mes·mer·ized, mes·mer·iz·ing, mes·mer·iz·es
1. To spellbind; enthrall: “He could mesmerize an audience by the sheer force of his presence” (Justin Kaplan).
2.To hypnotize.
iin·vi·ta·tion P Pronunciation Key (nv-tshn)
n.
1.The act of inviting.
2.A spoken or written request for someone's presence or participation.
3.An allurement, enticement, or <em>attraction</em>.
rock star
n : a famous singer of rock music
<i’m happy.> |
|
Comments: 3 sweet kisses - let's bone.
|
|
|
[03 May 2004|05:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
tom waits |
] |
got em'
nice play made by savage MID GAME, after we'd thought she may have missed the opportunity. well played by one of the most successful players in the game. this generation has seen the finest in this brilliant play to steal something that savage lost years before this incredible game began.
|
|
Comments: let's bone.
|
|
|
[30 Apr 2004|10:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
dirty |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
hurricane-dylan |
] |
current clothes ] button down blue shirt, jeans, old school nikes
[ current mood ] thinking....
[ current music ] van morrison
[ current taste ] thai food
[ current hair ] dir-tay
[ current annoyance ] silence
[ current smell ] home
[ current thing I ought to be doing ] sleeping
[ current desktop picture ] audrey
[ current favorite group] hard. the doors
[ current book you're reading] i just finished a book called rank ladies
[ current CD in CD player] desire
[ current movie in dvd player ] stay tuned. (best movie ever)
[ current color of toenails ] not painted.
[ current refreshment ] making out.
[ current worry ] love
last person
[you touched ] my mama
[you talked to ] see above.
[ you hugged ] ok this is embarrassing
[ you instant messaged ] the boy
[ you yelled at ] hard to say. probably forrest. i tend not to yell anymore, though.
favorite
[ food ] shepards pie, corn on the cob, good cheese
[ drink ] fanta from holland
[ color ] green, purple, pink, blue
[ album ] anything dylan
[ shoes ] flip flops
[ candy ] abba zabba. or crunch
[ animal ] dog
[ TV show ] daria
[ movie ] for recent movie- eternal sunshine
[ dance ] sex
[ current song ] warm love
[ vegetable ] cucumber
[ fruit ] orange
[ cartoon ] daria
are you
[ understanding ] how am i supposed to answer that?
[ open-minded ] yesh'ir
[ arrogant ] i've been known to be.
[ insecure ] at times.
[ random ] quite. in fact, you have no idea who i am.
[ hungry ] no
[ friendly ] yessshhh
[ smart ] no
[ moody ] E-M-O
[ childish ] mhm.
[ independent ] more so than ever
[ hard working ] at times
[ organized ] in some ways
[ healthy ] that's relative.
[ emotionally stable] getting there
[ shy ] no
[ difficult ] yes
[ attractive ] it's my personality, isn't it?
[ bored easily ] no
[ messy ] not terribly
[ thirsty ] for something completely different!
[ responsible ] yesher
[ obsessed ] O-C-D
[ angry ] more than you can imagine.
[ sad ] my tears have tears.
[ happy ] i think so.
[ hyper ] how obnoxious.
[ trusting ] yesh
[ talkative ] not at all
[ legal ] unfortunately. it's so much more fun when you're not.
who do you want to
[ kill ] forrest
[ slap ] see above.
[ tickle] my baby sister
[ kiss ] the boy
[ look like ] cameron diaz
[ talk to offline ] the boy!
[ talk to online ] online is for turbo nerds
|
|
Comments: 9 sweet kisses - let's bone.
|
|
| still? |
[29 Apr 2004|10:49am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sore |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Since I've Been Loving You |
] |
a dream within a dream. a different house, different place.... same situation.
i was with in the place i'm in now. though hanging out with his little sister. we went to her house... i saw him, and we fell into old habits... which is exactly what always happens. long dream, lots happened... but the interesting thing...
when i got in my car to drive away, i could not get the windows to defrost. i couldn't see where i was going... and i was lost... big surprise: in the forrest.
i finally got home... then, in the dream i woke up. a dream within a dream.
i called the boy who makes me feel better... and realized (as i've been noticing more and more in real life) that said boy is incredibly special. (no more dream talk.)
.... i wouldn't want to touch upon a relationship with me after what's gone on... there's damage to work with....
i've been having the most vivid dreams lately. my favorite one was shot and lit and everything just like an action movie. and then i woke up, fell back asleep, and saw the sequel. and it ended with mr t. amazing. i think i'm spending too much time at film school.
i better go listen to an ani song... and stop doing drugs.
|
|
Comments: let's bone.
|
|
| and... |
[28 Apr 2004|08:02pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Babylon was built on fire/Starsnostars |
] |
closure... at least a little bit.
... now if you'll excuse me, i have a piece of hot underage ass to work on.
|
|
Comments: 4 sweet kisses - let's bone.
|
|
|
[26 Apr 2004|11:29pm] |
You are Marilyn Monroe. You seem happy on
|
|
Comments: let's bone.
|
|
|
[26 Apr 2004|06:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
taxed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
fugees |
] |
i feel like my siamese twin has been cut off.
|
|
Comments: let's bone.
|
|
|
[26 Apr 2004|12:17pm] |
|
boy... !
|
|
Comments: let's bone.
|
|
|
[09 Apr 2004|12:47pm] |
he sat outside my house for 45 minutes last night at 4 am... throwing stones, texting, calling...and i didn't let him in. and i didn't answer. and he knew i was in here...he could see my cell phone ring up through the window.
and i didn't watch him walk away after many threats that he would because he was so cold.
why should i be proud of this? why is this what those that love me want.... grr this hurts more than anything.
what happens to love when the door is closed? sure some are able to disguise their feelings or maybe just not have them... but really...what happens?
|
|
Comments: 4 sweet kisses - let's bone.
|
|
|
[02 Apr 2004|02:07am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pensive |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
sirens (as always) and rain |
] |
(dictionary.com)
dread:
1.To be in terror of.
2.To anticipate with alarm, distaste, or reluctance.
i dread the day when i can't walk back into his life when i choose...being that one girl that he drops everything else for.
can i possibly hold on to that forever? should i want to?
boston is soo beautiful in the rain. it's putting me to sleep.
have i made some horrible mistakes? life cycles, lives cycle, and people get over/through everything. no problem is unique, just kept quiet.
"you've got to eat the elephant one bite at a time." - m.T.s
|
|
Comments: let's bone.
|
|
| yeasty rabbit sucker |
[22 Mar 2004|12:11am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 distressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
REM |
] |
a sunday night at emerson.
balloon animals, cocaine desires, a good game of life, procrastination, and laundry.
saw globe. great show. saw grease... umm.. yup.
"people should fall in love with their eyes closed. don't look. just do it." -andy warhol.
"to love is to suffer. not to love is to suffer. to suffer is to suffer." -woody allen
i'm having a quarter life crisis. if i could date a skinny blonde, i would. (ha)
i have my trusty hot glasses. wearing them means i can't be hurt. i'll wear them forever, even if my eyes become too sensitive to open them in the harsh pulsating lights in this dorm.
don't be emo, be suicidal... cut to the chase, don't waste my time or yours. donate your blood and organs to those in need... even your eyes can be donated. don't be such a fucking asshole. jesus christ.
8 30 class. here i go. when i wake, my life will be COMPLETELY different. yes. spring is here, i saw so many birds... hello hitchock. fuck. i love it though. i do.
|
|
Comments: 3 sweet kisses - let's bone.
|
|
| i went out walking... |
[14 Mar 2004|03:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
stoned |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Hüsker Dü |
] |
i love my mom, because she doesn't just buy plastic cups so my friends and i don't have to worry about breaking/dirty dishes...she goes to the trouble and becomes very pleased with very special platic cups. mine are aqua. what color is your cup?
|
|
Comments: 8 sweet kisses - let's bone.
|
|
|
[12 Nov 2003|06:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
lost. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
veruca salt |
] |
there is this cute boy that i've been encountering. i was walking to the dorms, and he said, 'hey moira, where's the flood?' and i realized that i was wearing yoga pants that come up to my ankles. did you like that?
this is the most excitement i see here.
god save the queen... or me...for someday i will be queen.
it's amazing how if you raise your voice in a read-through in school with bad theater, they think you're brilliant. HELP.... i'm lost/naked/blind in the mountains with no one that can understand big words.
|
|
Comments: 4 sweet kisses - let's bone.
|
|
| when a song captures your emotions |
[12 Nov 2003|12:37am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
ani... |
] |
'i am walking
out in the rain
and i am listening to the low moan
of the dial tone again
and i am getting
nowhere with you
and i can't let it go
and i can't get through...
the old woman behind the pink curtains
and the closed door
on the first floor
she's listening through the air shaft
to see how long our swan song can last
and both hands
now use both hands
oh, no don't close your eyes
i am writing
graffiti on your body
i am drawing the story of
how hard we tried
i am watching your chest rise and fall
like the tides of my life,
and the rest of it all
and your bones have been my bedframe
and your flesh has been my pillow
i am waiting for sleep
to offer up the deep
with both hands
in each other's shadows we grew less and less tall
and eventually our theories couldn't explain it all
and i'm recording our history now on the bedroom wall
and when we leave the landlord will come
and paint over it all
and i am walking
out in the rain
and i am listening to the low moan of the dial tone again
and i am getting nowhere with you
and i can't let it go
and i can't get through
so now use both hands
please use both hands
oh, no don't close your eyes
i am writing graffiti on your body
i am drawing the story of how hard we tried
hard we tried
how hard we tried'
|
|
Comments: 3 sweet kisses - let's bone.
|
|
|
[04 Nov 2003|09:53pm] |
[ current clothes ] blue thrift store hoody that says florida in orange 1970 font
[ current mood ] apathetic
[ current music ] radiohead
[ current taste ] hunger.
[ current hair ] dredlocked
[ current annoyance ] people
[ current smell ] dirty person. (not me.)
[ current thing I ought to be doing ] work, attempting to reach out to friends i'm not near
[ current desktop picture ] photo of me with chrissy and jon fucked up.
[ current favorite group] radiohead
[ current book you're reading] the ambitious generation.
[ current CD in CD player] elliot smith.
[ current movie in dvd player ] american movie (great flick)
[ current color of toenails ] i don't paint my toenails. should i?
[ current refreshment ] being in my room alone/showering.
[ current worry ] life
last person
[you touched ] forrestimo
[you talked to ] my roomate
[ you hugged ] foreskin
[ you instant messaged ] anna
[ you yelled at ] ehhm... forrest. i'm a jerk.
favorite
[ food ] shepards pie, corn on the cob, good cheese
[ drink ] fanta from holland
[ color ] green, purple, pink, blue
[ album ] the album that i listen to most frequently, the whole cd, is catpower
[ shoes ] one of my cool sneakers, or my clogs
[ candy ] 3 musketeers
[ animal ] piglet
[ TV show ] daria
[ movie ] for recent movie- too many
[ dance ] sex
[ current song ] morning bell
[ vegetable ] corn
[ fruit ] kiwi
[ cartoon ] daria
are you
[ understanding ] how am i supposed to answer that?
[ open-minded ] yesh'ir
[ arrogant ] i've been known to be.
[ insecure ] who me? haha HAHAHA AHAHAHAHAHAHH MUAHAHAHAAH
[ random ] quite. in fact, you have no idea who i am.
[ hungry ] yesh'ir
[ friendly ] yessshhh
[ smart ] no
[ moody ] E-M-O
[ childish ] mhm.
[ independent ] depends who you ask, unfortunately.
[ hard working ] i have been this semester
[ organized ] in some ways
[ healthy ] more than i used to be
[ emotionally stable] again, unfortunately, it depends who you ask
[ shy ] no
[ difficult ] yes
[ attractive ] it's my personality, isn't it?
[ bored easily ] no
[ messy ] not terribly
[ thirsty ] for sex
[ responsible ] yesher
[ obsessed ] O-C-D
[ angry ] more than you can imagine.
[ sad ] my tears have tears.
[ happy ] i think so.
[ hyper ] how obnoxious.
[ trusting ] yesh
[ talkative ] not at all
[ legal ] unfortunately. it's so much more fun when you're not.
who do you want to
[ kill ] oh man i'm looking at her.
[ slap ] see above.
[ tickle] my baby sister
[ kiss ] your boyfriend. just kidding... my boyfriend.
[ look like ] cameron diaz
[ talk to offline ]anyone offering me some stimulation...i'm like a baby without a playstation here
[ talk to online ] online is for turbo nerds
|
|
Comments: 4 sweet kisses - let's bone.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
princessmoira's journal
hyper